Joyful mom or monster mom?

Don't get me wrong, I love both of my children. But some days are harder then normal. And some days are the best days ever. I am seeing that most mom's go through this. Some handle it better then others. However recently it's been harder then normal. I become monster mom with my son more times then being joyful with patience. It's hard to find the joy in being a mom, when I want my son to be obedient and listen. He usually has other plans. I ask him to do something it is either followed by me asking multiple times, or me yelling and getting angry, or even him trying to do it and throwing a fit and whining, or just not even trying and whining. The dreadful whining, after awhile it takes its toll where you cannot stand it any longer and your patience is thin and almost gone. The whining usually I am pretty good at ignoring it and standing my ground. However recently monster mom comes out with a vengeance and I am unable to show patience with my son, and even my daughter sometimes. I find my self yelling more then talking in a calm collected Manor, and I find my self getting irritated over the simple little things. I don't know if it is a season and I'll move past this. I'm hoping I can. Today, we had to go grocery shopping, usually it is good. We can get in and out of the stores with little to no fuss. However today was different, today we had fits and tantrums, and not listening. Today we had spankens, and yelling. Today there was little to no patience. Today was rough. I do not know why today was so hard. Maybe because it was my daughters first birthday, but it had its good moments and its crappy moments. Im hopping we dont have any more days like today for awhile. Because I don't want my son to be afraid of me, I don't want my daughter or son to be afraid to talk to me or do something. I want us to have fun and be joyous together. I want to become the mom that stops what I'm doing to read that story one more time, play legos once more. My house is not always the cleanest, and that's because I try to play and be the joyful mom instead of the monster mom, and my lack of time management. Instead of becoming the "not now, in a minute, maybe later mom", I want to be the "okay let's play, read it again okay, sing songs, dance silly and just have fun mom!"  My house my be messy but if I can accomplish this then the mess will be worth it, because of the relationship I'll have with my children. I know that no matter how hard I try the monster mom will still be lurking waiting to spring out. But if I keep having faith and praying I know I can get through this and I know I can become the mom I want to be!  This has been a conviction on my heart for a little bit now, and sharing holds me accountable.