I am Fearfully and wonderfully made!

This morning in my devotionals, it talked about looking in a mirror. Not at our outward appearance but look at our inward self, our heart. In todays society we are such selfie based. Whether it's the gym selfie, judgement of our own weight, comparing our selfs to others, or just straight wishing we looked like others. However, God took his time when he made each and every one of us. He knew what strengths and weaknesses to give us, what flaws and what beauties. He knew us before we were born. Our days already recorded in the book of life. He knew if we would choose to believe in his son, and choose to follow him or if we would doubt and just live life. I believe in God the Father, I believe in Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Spirit. I believe and know in my heart that the Bible is truth. I was reading a quote or blog the other day, it said if I live my life for God and die, and there's nothing and I'm wrong I loose nothing, but if I live my life and there is something, theres heaven, all the atheist, agnostics and unbelievers loose everything. I believe that's how it went. Nevertheless, I believe In God, I believe he sent his son to die in my place and take my punishment, so that I can live debt free. Jesus died for us, so we could live. That's hard to wrap my mind around, that jesus loved us so much that he took on sin so we did have to be punished. He could have easily said "No, I don't want to die for these wicked people father." But he didn't, he was man and God, he was humble, wise and scary all at the same time. He asked God if there was any other way to save us, without having to die, but he knew there wasn't. He willingly sacrificed his life for you and me. That's so crazy. How many of us would give our life's to save those we love, those we don't know? I know I would take a bullet for my family, you children and my husband, and my parents, siblings, and my in-laws. In a world that is so self driven, it's a struggle to but God first. Thankfully he's a merciful, and forgiving God, he shows me grace when I forget to read and spend time with him. I am not perfect nor am I claiming to be. My weaknesses and flaws show. I know one of my biggest flaws is I lack tact, I have no filter, and sometimes I spew word vomit. I say things when they pop into my head with out thinking about what it is I'm about to say. It's gotten me in trouble, I've made things awkward and made things great. But sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it's a bad thing it just depends on the situation.  Anyhow it's really humbling to think about how God, pieced us together in our mothers wombs, he thought about what strengths and weaknesses and flaws and beauties to give us before we were made. He created us in his image, and we are his children. I am thankful for the way God made me, I have my quirks and I have my mess. But I wouldnt ask him to make me any different. I'm proud of who I've grown to be. I'm still growing still changing and I know as long as I pursue him, and have faith that he has me nothing is unattainable. How can you thank God today for the amazing ways he created you?
We have to remember to thank God for the unique ways he created us, and remember to love ourselves. Because we are all fearfully and wonderfully made!!
Psalms 139
GOD BLESS!

Stop shaming, and uplift each other!!

In todays world there are so many issues. From gun control, guns, criminals, to police brutality, to police kindness, to celebrities, to restroom issues. We also have shaming issues, whether it is fat/body image shaming, mother shaming, ect. There are so many negative issues it's unreal. Our workday today seems like it's all about tearing each other down to get ahead, instead of encouraging each other to become successful. Uplifting each other is not normal. If your views or lifestyle doesn't fit the normal itinerary you get harassed.
Being a mom I am constantly hearing about other mothers judging each other because of how they raise their children. We are all human, we all make mistakes, and none of us are perfect. We are all learning what works for us.
As a mother, my husband and I decided it was best if I stay home. I breast fed both of my children. I know mom's who tried and could keep breast feeding, mom's who choose to formula feed, and go back to work. There's no wrong way to do things, however unless your neglectful and harming your children that's wrong! However instead of degrading and tearing each other down for our different views I think we need to start up lifting each other!
No more #breastisbest but instead #fedisbest. I'm not just talking about mom's here there are a lot of issues in our society today. How about no more #blacklivesmatter but instead #alllivesmatter. I think if we started following the rules and encouraging each other our society would change immensely.
Whether you let your baby cry it out, or you never let them cry it out. Or you let your children watch TV or you have set time limits on their TV time. It doesn't matter, we are all our own persons and we all have different parenting styles. We need to start encouraging each other.
Raising children is hard enough, see there's a reason there is that saying it takes a village to raise children and it's so true. Because it takes friends, family, spouses, all coming together encouraging each other to be the best we can be. It is so hard to be honest about our struggles now a days. Because if you open up, people judge whether they mean to or not, and society has this false reality that if you struggle with post partum your not fit. Post partum depression happens to most women, it's normal, and sometimes it's more severe then others. However it's not a topic that people like to talk on. Because in societies eyes your just supposed to push it down and be good and perfect and not struggle. But in reality lots of women struggle with this. Post partum depression is real and it's a dangerous monster to mess with. I've had post partum depression and post partum depression rage. They both suck, and when I had my son and as he got older I had thoughts of hurting him and myself, it was a dark time. I was scared to talk about it cause I thought if I was honest I'd be put in a nut house. Or my son would be taken. But once I opened up and started talking about it, it got easier and there were a lot of women who wanted to help me!! I took the first step and told my husband, I was terrified he would hate me, but I got the opposite reaction he was proud I'd told him. Talking about it helped me not be embarrassed, I stopped holding it I and I was honest with my self and admitting I needed help was scary but so worth it.
After my daughter was born my post partum depression got worse. It turned into post partum depression rage. I was angry all the time. Little things that shouldn't bother me did. My relationship with my son was hurting. I was constantly yelling and being grumpy. I didn't have motivation to really do anything. It wasn't until I saw how angry my son was, that I asked for help again. He was mimicking my anger and rage.
As well one time I lost my control, I was yelling and screaming at my son, and I saw fear in his little-known Brown eyes. Seeing his fear stricken face stopped me in my tracks, I couldn't believe he was afraid of me.
I hadn't wanted to be honest with my self. I grew to resent my husband and son a little bit. But I've grown so much in the past year. Every now and then I loose my control, but I try not to. I love my little family so much. I have come back stronger, from wanting to hurt myself and my son, to doing well.
I feel like if we stop all the shaming of others differences, and we start embracing that we are all different. And start being an encouragement to each other our society would be quite great. A lot less angry and hateful and more full of love and joy.
I thank God that I'm here, that each day is a new day to be better then I was. I'm happy I can share my struggles and no longer am held by my fears and embarrassment by my feelings and by my post partum depression and rage. I've come to find that me sharing my struggles has helped some of my friends.
So I'm going to keep fighting this war inside my heart and I'll keep climbing higher from this moment on!!
GOD BLESS!!!

Joyful mom or monster mom?

Don't get me wrong, I love both of my children. But some days are harder then normal. And some days are the best days ever. I am seeing that most mom's go through this. Some handle it better then others. However recently it's been harder then normal. I become monster mom with my son more times then being joyful with patience. It's hard to find the joy in being a mom, when I want my son to be obedient and listen. He usually has other plans. I ask him to do something it is either followed by me asking multiple times, or me yelling and getting angry, or even him trying to do it and throwing a fit and whining, or just not even trying and whining. The dreadful whining, after awhile it takes its toll where you cannot stand it any longer and your patience is thin and almost gone. The whining usually I am pretty good at ignoring it and standing my ground. However recently monster mom comes out with a vengeance and I am unable to show patience with my son, and even my daughter sometimes. I find my self yelling more then talking in a calm collected Manor, and I find my self getting irritated over the simple little things. I don't know if it is a season and I'll move past this. I'm hoping I can. Today, we had to go grocery shopping, usually it is good. We can get in and out of the stores with little to no fuss. However today was different, today we had fits and tantrums, and not listening. Today we had spankens, and yelling. Today there was little to no patience. Today was rough. I do not know why today was so hard. Maybe because it was my daughters first birthday, but it had its good moments and its crappy moments. Im hopping we dont have any more days like today for awhile. Because I don't want my son to be afraid of me, I don't want my daughter or son to be afraid to talk to me or do something. I want us to have fun and be joyous together. I want to become the mom that stops what I'm doing to read that story one more time, play legos once more. My house is not always the cleanest, and that's because I try to play and be the joyful mom instead of the monster mom, and my lack of time management. Instead of becoming the "not now, in a minute, maybe later mom", I want to be the "okay let's play, read it again okay, sing songs, dance silly and just have fun mom!"  My house my be messy but if I can accomplish this then the mess will be worth it, because of the relationship I'll have with my children. I know that no matter how hard I try the monster mom will still be lurking waiting to spring out. But if I keep having faith and praying I know I can get through this and I know I can become the mom I want to be!  This has been a conviction on my heart for a little bit now, and sharing holds me accountable.