Fade

This is a poem I wrote, a few years ago when I was dealing with post partum depression, it was a dark time, and I was in a pretty dark place. If it wasn't for my son Quinn and my husband I don't know where I would be McKenzie wasn't incubating yet lol!! I don't want to be afraid of my dark moments in my life, because they have shaped me. So I'm sharing this to encourage someone, maybe even to help someone realize that they are not alone!!

                   Fade:
My smile has faded, these cracks in the mirror only keep getting bigger and the more I hide away behind  this broken old   mask , the more I realize these tears have been streaming through the cracks and there's no way to stop it.  My old broken mask has to many cracks that were never properly  fixed, this pain I feel inside can no longer be hidden and not delt  with, no longer do I wish to hide. But I'm afraid of what I'll find under the bandage to my surprise. There is a broken girl lost to the world. The only way to go is back to the creator and beg for forgiveness. I don't know where I need to go from here. The only thing I can do is pray we see tomorrow..this fear that creeps from the dark spaces from within terrify me.
I can no longer keep it locked away inside my flesh. It tears like a wild beast at the cage that I locked it in. Trying to forget the monster I locked away inside. Never wanting to let it free so afraid it's gonna break free. The walls of this vessel are deteriorating and soon all that will be left is a broken girl to lost for the world. But maybe maybe with the help of a great savior that lost girl will find herself and the beast inside will be destroyed and the darkness will disappear. The light will finally shine and I will no longer fade into the darkness trying to hide but I will walk in the light. Shining from the heart out making it bright for others to see.